RhiannonH71

Here I am, once again Exactly where I said I'd never come back I didnt have a choice, again And I'm starting to feel trapped It's this sinking feeling Deep in the bottom of my stomach When I step foot inside I can feel it just plummet " Things wil be different this time" I like to tell myself "Im older and wiser And more mature as well" But it doesnt feel like enough Not enough improvement Not enough motivation Not enough movement But that's just what she does She sucks you dry And pretends to be clueless When she makes you cry She'll nitpick At all the things you get incorrect It doesnt matter how hard you try Its not anything

I've finally gotten what I've wanted All this time, I've had to wait People who love me for me; They were hidden in people I was taught to hate Why were they so afraid? Why did they tell me all those lies? Why did I grow up believing I wasn't wanted Why are where so many "why's"? There's so much hatred inside of me I don't even know who it's towards anymore They fucked me up so bad And what the hell for? So they didn't look bad? So they didn't have to face the truth? They didn't take responsibility Because what's to lose? Just a child's sanity But who cares about that, right? Let's just drug em up And lock em down tight But not anymore,

This never ending pain Is going to be the death of me There's no reason for it Really I should be happy This pain has no routine It comes and goes at random When it comes, it holds me at gunpoint And demands no ransom There is no way to shake it off It's like a puzzle piece that won't fit It's like a bone chilling scream But only you can hear it And no one ever really understands Or at least that's how it seems And no one ever really cares At least that's what it makes you believe The doctors They just prescribe you drugs But they don't understand That the drugs only make you numb Or maybe they do And that's the whole point But if

They said "Things will get better soon" But a year passed by And next month will be two There's still that void in my chest The one you used to fill When you died They tried to pack it full with pills But pills don't change anything When they wear off, you're still not here And my dreams Have since turned to nightmares I know I've said it before And I'll say it again a million times But I wish I could have been there I know I would have seen through those "I'm fine"s Things are so different without you I hope I'm making you proud My life is changing so much lately I wish you could see me now I wish you were here to see it You wer

Today I woke up in denial Convinced it was all just a dream Everything was going fine Or so it seemed Today I still felt sick But I know it was for the best Our connection had died It needed to be laid to rest Today I deleted our pictures   And I cried myself to sleep It felt like my heart had been ripped out   And had been stomped on by your feet Today was a little better I only cried a few times I came to the realization That you are no longer mine Today I asked if you even cared If it hurt even a little bit If it effected you in slightest You replied that, no, it really didn't Today I forced myself not to talk to you I told myself t

Im walking into this blindly With my heart on my sleeve I dont know what to do And I dont know what anything means I think I might be in love I dont know anymore I know Im definitely falling Way harder than I was before I want to trust you But Im scared I'll get hurt again I want to love you But I'm afraid it will end You say you wont hurt me But did everyone else And then I was cast aside Or set up on a shelf If I hand you my heart Will you be gentle with it? If I cant land from this fall Will you be there to catch me? You say you're not going to leave I cant but have my doubts You say you love me I feel like Im gonna freak out So Im

There's a hate inside of me I feel it boiling in my veins I can't control it anymore I say what it wants me to say There's a hole inside of me I feel it consuming my heart I don't know what to do anymore It's leaving me with these terrible scars There's a pain inside of me I feel it tearing me apart I can't make it go away It seems to turn the world dark I don't know what to say I don't know what to do I'm not sure if I can keep going Because I'm not sure if what they say is true

I'm holding back the tears As I watch my world fall apart My heart lay in the ruins Of a place thats become so dark I don't know what to do I feel panic bubbling up within me Why did this happen? How did I not see this coming? Why can't I catch a break It seems like all I feel is pain What am I doing wrong? This is driving me insane! I've fought so long for control But now everythings coming undone And I don't know how to fix it So all I do is run